WARNING: Long narrative…and no. This isn’t about fangirling at all.
I have been a fan of Kris Allen since his top 13 performance in American Idol (I was then rooting hard for Anoop Desai, but hey, I can love you two). And when he won, I got so excited because I knew what was coming next—an album.
I was 12. And I loved it. Then his Thank You Camellia came and I loved it even more. I knew a lot has changed in Kris’ life after—car accident, fatherhood—and it shows a lot in his succeeding albums. I felt weird when I first listened to Horizons (his next album after TYC), because the melodies have changed, and my first thought was “Wow, he’s getting old.” Well, surprise Rach. You’re getting older too.
I’m now turning 21. And just like Kris, I guess I have been through a lot that made me realize how real my adult life has been. It shows a lot in my Spotify playlist! I’ve been drawn to movies’ official soundtracks (OST of The Longest Ride has been my favorite). And I guess if I made my 12-year old self listen to Lord Huron or Kodaline, I’d be shut off.
But I am not 12 anymore. I dig for the lyrics. I enjoy the message more than the rhythm. And lately, I have been failing to find the right songs. So in lieu of sinking to frustration, I decided to listen to comforting ones (Hi, Shawn! I love you).
One night on our way home, I was in control of the music we played in the car. And I was reminded of Kris’ Letting You In album. So I started listening to it again, and I realized it is the perfect album at the right time.
This is the point where we get personal, eh?
It’s been months when I started having these episodes of anxiety attacks that has led me to becoming all isolated and depressed. I won’t go into any more details because it’s too uncomfortable to even think about, and I am of no interest showcasing that.
Pasok, Kris Allen!
- Feeling This Way
Might not be okay, but I’m getting used to feeling this way.
If I were going through the five stages of grief, this song speaks to my denial and anger. I feel as though I’m not achieving what I have to. I could not meet the expectations I have set for myself. And since I was a kid I’ve been used to getting what I wanted, so when life happens to mess with me for the past 2 years, I got so angry and all. I blamed it all to the circumstances I could not handle.
All the castles I made turned into ruins
Guess I built them too close to the tide
And it seems like every street light’s turning red
And there’s no right side of the bed
And this could all be in my head
But right now I’m wondering why why why
I’m wondering why. This was my exact state then. Why is this happening? Why is this not happening? Everytime I decide to move forward, something makes me stop. And everything was against my favor.
Some days I just feel like
I’m in the wrong place at the right time
And a long way to go to realize
I’ve been standing in the wrong line
I feel like I’m in the wrong place at the right time. I know in my heart that this is the right time to achieve my dreams, and I wasn’t on the right place that would make that dream happen. Four years, and up until now I blame myself for not having the courage to pursue what I wanted.
2. Faster Shoes
You keep running away,
You’re gonna need some faster shoes
‘Cause it’s always gonna catch up to you.
This song made me feel as though Kris is responding to my bad and impulsive decisions.
That’s who I have been. When in battle, I always, always, flight rather than fight. I guess I have had enough of lost fights that now it made me think fleeing would make it go away. I would very much like to go into the details of the lyrics, because from the beginning up to the end, I am hearing Kris’ voice in this song as my guilty conscience, but a) it’s going to bore you and b) too personal!
Always finding something wrong with the season
Your heart has just been hiding from the truth
Am I complaining that much, Kris?
To turn the pages but the word stays the same
Rearranging all the furniture to cover the stain
Well that’s not how you make it go away
Well the problem never changes
This song, somehow, made me realize how I cannot conceal my problem by fixing every other issues that I have. As though I was asked to do Math, and in return I mastered Civics (I know, I know. I sucked at analogy). Well Rach, that’s not how you make it go away. It’s like Kris Allen himself is telling me why bargaining will not make my problem go away, so is running away!
3. Time Will Come
So I’ll keep moving on ’cause I know my time will come.
Saving the best for last. This song reminds me of how everything has its own timing and I am not called to be in control. Rather, I must be patient and secure in knowing that my time will come.
Lately, I’ve been making friends with the doubts in my head
Hanging on every word that they said
What I love about this song is, it is not just about encouragements. It also highlights the reality behind the waiting—the anxiety, uncertainty, and stagnancy. It doesn’t try convince you that it is easy being a little left behind, but it sure makes you feel comforted that you’ll soon experience triumph, anyway.
I, I, I, I’m such a long way from where I
Long way from where I wanna be
But I’ll keep on moving on
‘Cause I know my time will come
We’ve probably all been in a position where you feel as though you are late for success. In my case, I feel like I am far from my calling, far from my dreams, and far from the kind of person I want to be. So yes, for a lot of reasons and unexpected circumstances, I feel like I’m long way from where I want to be, that I’m left behind, but the question is: are we all racing on the same track?
And for all those realizations, thank you, Kris.